Your mouth is God's brothel.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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