I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
