loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
