Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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