Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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