hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I didn't notice because vodka
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
