Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
