I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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