she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
