I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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