You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
