I am puke
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
