I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also Iām getting a car.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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