everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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