Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize