Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
