Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize