i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
