I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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