party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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