I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
