every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
