i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
