im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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