Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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