can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
