My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
