I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
