I cockslap morals
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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