Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
