Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
