she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
