Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
