Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize