Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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