I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
