I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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