shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
