No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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