There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
