so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
