Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
