so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
