while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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