I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize