she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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