you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
