She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
