she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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