Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
In America we eat man semen.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
