WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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