I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
