Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
