I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize