Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
