am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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