Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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