You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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