i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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