How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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