You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
