We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
