Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
